In the flow…

I was in the flow of leading worship at a conference that was about breaking forth into new places and not being held back. Without intention I mentioned abuse as being one of the things we have overcome. Even though it fit into the flow of what I was ministering it surprised me because I had not intended to say it. In Luke chapter 6 however, it reminds us that out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks.

I then began having encounters where God was speaking to me about forgiveness and I questioned myself, “Wait, haven’t I already forgiven my abusers?” No, I had not. I then remembered looking into the window of the life of someone I am close to that is constantly ready to tell you about how she and her family were wronged by an organization growing up. It is so easy to see how SHE needed to forgive so that her life could be free but hard to look in the mirror of my life and see how I was in a prison of my own.

I came face to face with my prison called trauma one day when I ran out of gas. I called my brother so that we could laugh at the folly of my situation. (I sat parked with my air conditioner on enjoying the radio till I ran out of gas. This unfortunately was not the first time.) He of course offered to come and pick me up, but I responded,” You don’t have to come and get me I will call an Uber.

Why had I not accepted the help? Why was I so self-reliant? If someone else had run out of gas would not I be right there to the rescue? Of course I would and I would be happy to help a person in need; but I had taught myself to not be in need. That need will equal being let down, heartbroken, abused. I had learned from that little girl me that if you cry out no one will answer and in fact they will say you are the problem.

God in His providence had a gas station situated just a few yards a way and a very nice lady pulled up beside me and gave me a ride. (Okay, ya’ll know I’m crying now.) I began to reflect how like for Abraham at the darkest hour in his life God already prepared exactly what he needed. He was meeting my temporal need and making me aware of His nearness. I am also celebrating that He has met my spiritual needs by giving me Jesus.

Lastly, further down in Luke in the 22 chapter we are exhorted that when we come though our personal seasons of trial we are to then turn and give strength to our brother/sister. It is my prayer that you are comforted and assured that God has already prepared exactly what you need. You too can take hold of God the Father and have all your needs met according to His richness in Jesus.

#transparency #mentalhealth #health #Jesusisahealer #JesusistheBrand #terrilynnkankam #theoneofakindgirl